Thug

This is the tale that’s not very nice,
A warning to all thugs
Concerning teasing, bullies, louts
(and people short on hugs)

Victor’s speech was indistinct
he had great trouble smelling,
His sinuses were often blocked
Causing nasal swelling

He was quite use to people who
Would say repeat that please
And he couldn’t count how many times
He mixed up free and threes

Our Victor was a happy chap
An even tempered bloke
And even when pressurised
He always saw the joke

because folk liked his easy way
And felt his heart was tender
Victor had a ‘people job’
He was an ice-cream vendor

Most customers would smile and say
Please and thanks to Vic
But there’s always one who spoils it
And makes the good ones sick


Such a one was Harry Rice
A snotty little scrote
He often hung around Vic’s cart
To get on peoples goat

As I explained Vic’s speech was odd
Due to his nasal features
But by and large his customers
Were kind and faithful creatures

One day Vic got a different flavour
He called it Fudge surprise
he had It on an offer
A triple super size

Harry Rice was there
And he heard Victor say
Come and get your Fugs surprise
On special for today

Harry laughed and Harry jeered
All his nasty cronies cheered
Fug surprise? You stupid man
Why can’t you talk like what I can

Victor smiled he’d heard it all
And still he wasn’t riled
Why should he, a full grown man
Be worried by a child


He turned his back and took a scoop
And made a massive ice
And turning back he proffered it
To Harry (which was nice)

Harry needed to maintain
His thuggish reputation
So he snarled and took the gift
and smothered his elation

His interest piqued on tasting fudge
He said what’s the surprise
And Victor said with dead pan face
Those aren’t chocolate bits they're flies

Harry choked and cried and sobbed
He called out for his mummy
It was probably psychological
But he had a poorly tummy

So Victor got rid of a pest
By using chocolate bugs
And now the people know that he
Can surprise any thugs