Monday, 29 March 2010

A new beginning

Senses begin to awaken
A whisper of warm air brushes my cheek and birds sing in celebration, I taste the tang of salt on the air and, opening my eyes I see the ocean spread before me like an endless plain.
I turn and see the land swelling gently like a soft, green, crumpled duvet.
The breeze carries the scent of woodland flowers and my heart feels at peace.

I sit for a while under the shade of an ancient oak tree and breath deeply and slowly as my mind slips into a meditative state.

I am aware, as though reading from a book, that I have suffered and that I have fought hard to keep my sanity. I know that I bear many invisible scars, memories of battles won and lost, conflict created and avoided, chances taken, chances missed. The principals, no longer performing, parade before me allowing me to see, often for the first time, the people beneath the greasepaint.

The parents who dominated, expected and watched now stripped of their masks revealing anxious, care worn faces.

The siblings no longer competing and squabbling show themselves as strong yet loving.

Partners, not too many and each with memories. Stripped of their costume and role they are a diverse group I am the only common denominator

My children in their roles as tormentors, leeches and succubi where played by young people in need of love and security, good people with good moral sense and hearts brim full of love.

Colleagues pass me too, strange that without their trappings, their uniforms, they seem a lot like me. They worry, they struggle and they hide their insecurities.

A touch, gentle on my cheek, wakes me and I look up into the smiling face of my beloved. A tear falls and splashes on my face, her hand grips mine. I am alive, I have a chance, a new beginning.

Thursday, 18 March 2010

goodbye, for now (no not literally)

Our tree stands by the lakeside, a still sentinel eternally watching, waiting.

The house, our house, is to big for me now. The memories it holds to painful - the pain that only love brings.

I wander through each room, to say goodbye. I can't bear to let go completely but I don't know if I will come back here.

The attic, full of higgledy piggledy memories, special times, painful times. Broken, much loved, bric-a-brac hidden in dark corners and, scattered throughout, snapshots of our life.

In the bedroom I hear the sound of your laughter, your pleasure, quietly now beneath the beat of my heart. Our bed collects dust, it's covers unruffled.

The bathroom, clean and clinical, was once a playground. A slippy, sensuous place of wild laughter and desire.

I stop for a while in the lounge where secrets were shared, plans made and exciting schemes hatched. The old sofa, where we sat for hours reading, talking and sometimes cuddling together when we were to weary to move.

I pass through the kitchen, so utilitarian now, sides wiped clean of the crumbs of our last snack. The cupboards stripped of all the things we loved to share.

I look towards the cellar door but I won't go down there. I know that nestles there, in a strong box, surrounded by bubble wrap, my heart will be safe. It belongs here, I don't need it any more.

I leave our house, windows firmly shuttered so that no passer-by can see into our life. Locking the door I leave a key beneath a stone, in case you happen by.

And as I walk away I steal a backwards glance. The house stands in darkness but for a single light shining to guide you, should you pass one day. And in our garden a single willow stands waiting, weeping.

Friday, 5 March 2010

I'd like

I would really like to climb a mountain
and i don't know if I will
for to reach the highest summit
takes strength and guts and skill

I would like to swim an ocean
or even just a little sea
but to be even just a little fish like
is not a bit like me

Flash Fiction - Each Friday, a happy band of talented writers compose a short story of 55 words - no more, no less. If you would like to join in the fun and games... post your story and report to the boss -G-MAN
If you're not interested in contributing a story, feel free to read the other entries. I'm sure any comments you have would be appreciated.