work and play

I feel much more relaxed and in control of life, suddenly i don't feel guilty about doing nothing.

Love

I wonder if love is really more about moving independently and yet always feeling an unbreakable thread rather than being together in everything and never needing to love purely in spirit.
Whether those who can always touch ever truly feel the touching of souls
whether those who hold hands ever learn how to hold a heart

where I periodically find my self

Take a Break

Seeking, all ways
Always on the razor edge
perched precariously.
Should I jump before I fall?
Waiting, tense and fearful
weighing the odds
staying still
weight finely balanced.
Freezing time.
Slowly slipping to one side
resigned to fate
Let go, slowly.
Take the breaks.

social security

I was getting all riled up at the job centre because they wouldn't give me a job start grant then I realised I'm lucky I live in a country that has social security at all.

romance

working on the mobile library i notice how much romance the older ladies get through. They are quite open about the fact that it's often the only lovin' they get.

I wonder if I'll be seeking my lovin in cheap books when I'm old, it scares me a little.
I know where I want to spend my golden years, I know what i want, just scares it won't happen. I really must have faith.

Worth

Who decides what we are worth?
When I do a job am i more important than others, what is the impact of my contribution and who is really qualified to say.

In a way I'm wondering who can judge me and I think it's only those who I allow to judge me because unasked for judgement will not be heard.

I tend to have a low self esteem so I undervalue my self, there are very few people who I trust to give me feedback but every time I accept a low paid job am i saying 'this is what I'm worth'

Let the musing begin

I wonder if I should be doing this, I'm always leaping into things and then getting bored. Two blog toadee! hehe and then there's the web site to sort, helium and bookcrossing, e-mail, g-mail and perhaps a little browsing.

I should really spend more time in the real world, get out more, read, write......

Nah! it's much more comfortable here.