Mills and Boon

I wandered lonely
no romance
seeking just one kiss, one dance
but I couldn't win a heart
so I decided I'd depart
and find true love
away from here
I'm packing up
with not a tear
I'm going to move to Mills and Boon
where men are men
and women swoon
where love is just a gasp away
the sex is hot
and no one's gay
The sun always shines
the people tanned
bills and traffic jams are banned
Handsome sheiks with many wives
and all of them with bedroom eyes
the nurses simper
their bosoms heaving
when they hear that Dr Love is leaving.
Ever man is rich and fit
with chiselled jaw and charming wit
perfect hair
and deep blue eyes
washboard stomach
muscled thighs.
Women's lib?
no need for that
no single parents
unsightly fat
every lady is complete
perfect figure head to feet.

I tried to move there
I really tried
but those oh so perfect folk inside
locked the gates and barred the doors
they couldn't cope with normal flaws.

three faces of man

Do you think I'm attractive?

oh yes, said his lips
hmmmm, suppose, added his brain
YUM! cried the little devil


Will you see me again?

of course, the lips assured
errrrrrr, suppose, the brain added
WELL, ARE YOU GOING TO PUT OUT OR WHAT? demanded the devil, stretching


Do you love me?

you know I do, quick from the lips
yeah, yeah, whatever, yawned a bored brain
I'M READY, NOW! groaned the giant devil.

Over

I'm over you
all the stuff we used to do
those days of secret games

It's over and you'll find
we're both out of my mind
no more slushy names

It didn't mean a thing
the special songs we used to sing
this silence is much better

just photos stored away
from a long gone, sunny day
the odd dreamy, perfumed letter

more piracy

I wrote this for my biggest fan, my son Jack who says if he were my agent he would make me famous

I am a bold, bad pirate
my name is two patch Tim
Captain Hook just had one patch
so I'm twice as bad as him

I'm here to cause a menace
with all my pirate stuff
my hook, my sword, my wooden leg
and a voice that's very gruff

With my parrot on my shoulder
and my pistol in my hand
I'm going to be very bad at sea
and twice as bad on land

You'll know when I am coming
you'll hear all the softies shout
run away, quick, quick lets hide
two patch is about


I am sure I will add to this........

wanna be

(wrote this to read to a group of nursery children)

I tried to be a pirate
I've got all the pirate stuff
a patch to cover up one eye
a sword so I'll look tough
I made my hair a mess
made sure my face was hairy
but i couldn't see where i was going
and no-one thought that i was scary.

Now pirates usually have a parrot
and a big black pirate's hat
but I could only find my teddy bear
and no-one's ever scared of that.
I was going to get a great big ship
and sail away to sea
but I couldn't go too far away
because I must be back for tea.

Queueing

In the supermarket
Queueing
life on hold
time to ponder
thoughts tumble
2 for 1
searching for a special
planning a menus
for uncertain futures
building stranger's lives
from their groceries
waiting
queueing
until checkout